How to deal with child tantrum

Tantrum in children

Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

We all know that at the age of 1 to 4 years a child grows rapidly, both physically and in personality. It is during this time of learning that sometimes children do not understand how to behave, as a result of this desperation they become angry.

Overcoming children who like to be angry and desperate is not an easy matter. These emotional outbursts are known as tantrums. Although it tests patience, it is important to understand the types of tantrums that children often do so that mothers can better understand them.

Generally, tantrums occur in children aged 15 months and above. 

Actually, this is a normal fuss, it is actually an emotional outburst, as a result of the child’s inability to explain what he wants in words.

So what is child tantrum?

Tantrum is a term used to describe angry or tantrum behavior in children to vent their emotions. For example, crying loudly, throwing things around, and rolling on the floor. 

This condition is actually natural to occur during a child’s growth period, especially children under the age of five. Tantrums can happen when children are tired, hungry, uncomfortable, or because they can’t get something they want.

Why children doing tantrum

Tantrums are generally caused by children’s limited language skills to express their feelings. So they can only express their emotions by struggling, yelling, crying, screaming, and stomping their feet and hands on the floor. In certain cases, tantrums in children may be caused by behavioral disorders or psychological problems, such as autism and psychological depression, such as autism.

In addition, tantrums can also be a place for children to observe and learn how to get what they want. For example, when a child throws a tantrum to get something and Mommy gives in to his wishes, he will repeat the method in the future. If left untreated, this can become a bad habit for the child.

Temper tantrums can happen because children are not yet able to control their emotions and express their anger appropriately. This will get worsened if parents do not understand what is happening to their child. The reaction that arises from parents if they do not understand it is to become angry because they are embarrassed, annoyed, upset, and feel confused about their child’s behavior.

If the behavior of temper tantrums in children if not handled properly and every time the child has a tantrum his wishes are fulfilled, then the child will make it as a ” weapon ” to fulfill his wishes. Other things can make children less impatient and if it continues can make low self-control, temperamental, short tempered, and cranky. The development of intellectual and social development of temper tantrum children becomes less balanced.

Nevertheless, mothers may be panicked when dealing with children who are experiencing tantrums. Well, there is no need to worry too much, because there are several ways that can be done to overcome it.

Recognize Some Types of Tantrums in Children

Like walking, talking, and learning many things, tantrums are part of a child’s growth and development stage. And on average, almost 70 percent of all children aged 18-24 months will experiencing tantrums.

However, these tantrums do not necessarily disappear at the age of 2 years. In fact, some researchers found that the highest incidence of tantrums occurred in the age range of 3-5 years. About 75 percent of preschoolers also still have tantrums.

So, mothers do not need to worry too much if the Little One experiences tantrums. Instead of getting upset, let’s try to understand them better. One of them is by recognizing the type of tantrum that the child is doing.

Because, although both children cry and have tantrums, it turns out that the types of tantrums are different. Here are some of them :

Manipulative Tantrums

Commonly, manipulative tantrums will occur if the child’s wishes are not met. Manipulative tantrums are actions taken by children when their wishes are not fulfilled properly. These are tantrums that are created by children to make other people fulfill their wishes. Keep in mind, manipulative tantrums do not occur in all children. Most manipulative tantrums arise as a result of rejection.

Frustration Tantrum

Generally, frustration tantrums that occur are because the child has not been able to express himself well. Children as young as 18 months old are prone to this condition because they find it difficult to say and express what they feel to others. 

But not only that, children will experience frustration tantrums because they are influenced by several factors. Examples include fatigue, hunger, or failure to do something.

How to overcome tantrums in children

Tantrums in children should not be allowed to continue because it can become a bad habit and affect their development in the future. Mothers can try to stop tantrums in children by doing the following methods:

1. Stay calm

When a child is having a tantrum, Mommy should remain calm and not yell back or force the child to stop the tantrum. A calm attitude will make the child’s tantrum easier to overcome. Parents can also take the child to a quieter and calmer place to calm their emotions.

2. Find out the cause of the tantrum

Various things can cause tantrums in children, such as unfulfilled desires or feelings of hunger and sleepiness that are difficult to express. 

If the child cannot speak yet, one way to recognize the cause is to ask directly, “Are you hungry?” or “Are you still sleepy?”. The child may nod or shake their head. If the cause of the child’s tantrum is identified, it will be easier for the mother to handle it.

3. Distract the child

Young children forget things very easily and are very attracted to new things. Parents can take advantage of this to distract their child during a tantrum. For example, you can give them a toy that they have not played with for a long time or give them their favorite snack when they are screaming, angry, or look cranky.

4. Do not hit the child

To overcome tantrums, authoritative parenting is more suitable. So, don’t hit or pinch them. This can actually make children want to hit to convey their desires. Instead, Mommy can hug or kiss the child to calm their emotions. In addition to calming, hugs and kisses can also be a way to show that Mommy really cares and loves them.

5. Ignore the child

The first thing that can be done to overcome a child who tantrums is to ignore him. Mom also needs to stop giving him attention so that the child does not increase his anger. However, this ignoring action should only be done as long as the child is not in a situation that endangers him. Therefore, make sure to ignore and leave the child for a while and come back some time later.

6. Coping with their aggressive behavior

Children who are having a tantrum can do some aggressive things. For example, such as hitting, slamming or throwing things, to kicking something. If this happens, mothers need to overcome their aggressive behavior immediately. Well, what you need to do is tell your child that hurting other people or damaging things is not good. 

However, make sure you tell your child in a gentle way and use language that is easy for them to understand. Because, using painful actions or harsh words will not be effective in overcoming tantrums. Instead, it can cause psychological trauma to the child.

7. Let the child be angry

Sometimes, children who tantrum just need to vent their anger. Therefore, allow children to be angry when they are tantruming, as long as they do not do anything harmful to themselves. This method is believed to help children learn to vent anger in a non-destructive way. As a result, when they grow up, children are expected to be able to control themselves well without having to fight with their parents.

8. Parents Need to Calm Down from Yelling

Mothers need to remember that children are a reflection of both parents. If the mother yells when the child is having a tantrum, then the child will usually yell to match the volume of the mother’s voice. This is because children do this so that they can engage in equal communication with their parents.

9. Help Your Child Do What He Can’t Do

Tantrums can be caused by simple things, for example when a child wants to put on a shoe, but fails. If this is the case, moms can gently ask the child why he is angry, and help him with things he cannot do on his own.

Those are some ways to deal with children who are tantruming. Starting from ignoring the child, overcoming his aggressive behavior, to helping the child do things he cannot do. If some of these methods have been done but the results are unsuccessful, the last way that mothers can do is to hug them tightly. Because, hugs are believed to be able to relieve the anger that is overflowing in the child.

Are there any benefits of tantrums for children and parents?

Although dealing with a tantruming child is very tiring, there are actually benefits. Here are some important reasons why tantrums are actually a good thing.

Helps your child learn

A tantruming child is struggling and expressing their frustration. This will help them to control themselves so that they can learn something new like learning to cooperate, communicate, and overcome negative emotions. Eventually, the child will understand that tantrums are not the right way to get the parent’s attention or to impose their own will.

Bringing children and parents closer together

When children have tantrums, let them go through the turmoil of their feelings. Tantrums are part of a child’s learning process to learn what kind of vocabulary will get their needs met and what will not. When your child tantrums, you need to stay calm, not talk too much, and offer a few reassuring words and a warm hug. That way, your child will learn to accept your decision and feel closer to you afterward.

Children learn about the limits of their behavior

Children may use tantrums as a weapon to get what they want. However, by being firm, he will learn that there are limits to his behavior (or requests) that he must follow.By being assertive, he will eventually stop using tantrums as his main weapon when he is upset.